Thursday, October 9, 2008

What is Big Ten Round Table?

This week's Round Table, hosted by The Only Game that Matters. This week's Round Table is being done Jeopardy-style (you'll see how it's done in a bit), and as for TOGtM...I would not be surprised at all if they were telling Trebek to put the lotion on his skin in a well in their basement. Anyway, on with the show.

1) Jay Paterno and the Spread HD

Who is Jim Carrey? Much like Carrey's career, Jay and the HD were once thought to be a joke, but through a few legitimate performances (vs. Oregon State, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind), are now taken seriously. Of course, chances to fall remain (evidence in favor: lackluster performance against Purdue, The Number 23).

2) Joe Tiller's Mustache

Where is Mr. Belvedere? The Wilford Brimley comparison is worn out. If you add some color to Tiller's mustache, it looks verrry similar to one carried around by a famous butler.

The evidence is damning: Joe Tiller, guilty of Grand Theft 'Stache, and kidnapping Purdue's offense from last year.

3) The Color Purple

What is, for the first time ever, the color that will fill up more than half the seats at Ryan Field next week? (Cue outraged "NO ONE EVER RESPECTS NORTHWESTERN!" from Lake the Posts in 3...2...1...just kidding. Seriously, if you need a primer on Northwestern football, go to Lake the Posts now. It's all good stuff.)

4) Brains

What is the missing ingredient from the Hawkeyes? They outgunned MSU at the line of scrimmage on both ends last week, but turnovers and a couple of unfortunate 4th down calls flushed a win down the drain. Also, Big Ten Blogger by-laws state that whenever brains are mentioned, a picture of JoePa must be shown:

5) Hawkeye State

Where is the place that manufactures Hawkeye vodka? Hawkeye vodka is the #1 vodka on my "liquors to taste" list, mainly to take in its poor quality. Will it be worse than Crystal Palace? Will I go blind? I don't know, but I'll have fun getting there.

6) Rudy

Who has gotten more mileage out of one sack than anyone in history? Many stories of walk-ons are worthy of mention. Take for instance, a Spartan who walked onto the football team, played his way into a scholarship, and graduated with a 4.0 average in Kinesology with his Masters (not University of Michigan Kinesology, this degree's legitimate). This man's name? Cole Malatinsky. Scholarship, hard work, and kicking that's a story.

Do not look into his eyes. You will get pregnant.

7) Knee Ligaments

What are things that if you're going to tear, tear awesomely? In other words, don't break them like this kid did:

8) Terrelle Pryor

What is the reason I'm happy MSU doesn't play Ohio State for the next two years after this year? If he can lead the Buckeyes to a win by orchestrating a drive in the 4th quarter - IN WISCONSIN, NO LESS -it's scary to think how good he'll be in a year.

9) Mark May

Who is the biggest benefactor of the "Ugly Friend" effect? You know the theory - all sets of girls have one ugly friend that makes the others look better by comparison. Who is Mark May's ugly friend? You guessed it...

10) Rich Rodriguez

Who will be the #1 selling effigy in Ann Arbor after a 5-7 season for the Wolverines? If they go to a bowl this season, they will overachieve. The best news about that is the fans will save on gas by going to Detroit for their bowl game.

Big Ten picks tomorrow? I'm leaving early for Chicago tomorrow, for this Saturday I'll be on the O'Malley's West bus trip for the Northwestern game. Hopefully, some of you'll be out there.

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